SOMETIMES, WHEN I have nothing else productive to do, I actually think about things I say.
Apparently this is one of those times.
One of the things I’ve said, on more than one occasion, is, “Most of us don’t really want to live forever.”
I think that’s true, because most of us immediately envision an endless trudging through endless time: Losing love and loved ones, and having to start all over again.
Putting up with infinite, adolescent behavior as we watch each generation having to learn the same things over and over and over … and having to learn how to use the latest, nifty gadget that will do things we didn’t even know that we needed to do or wanted to do.
Still, if asked whether we’re looking forward to dying, most of us would reply with a resounding, “No” (or something more colorful).
Prefer not to be dead
No, most of us would prefer not to be dead; so if we don’t want to live forever and we don’t want to be dead, what do we want?
Apparently, we want something in-between — and, happily, the universe has provided many of us with a reasonable alternative: Aging.
Well, think about it: We get to get older (occasionally paired with “growing up” and/or maturity) and experience new things and new insights and new points of view and new (dare I say it?) thrills, without the soul-crushing coma associated with infinite boredom.
Oh, sure, most of us can identify some magical time in our lives — some magic age — that we remember as particularly wonderful, but would we really want to do it over and over again?
I suspect not; however, that still doesn’t mean that we’d prefer to be dead, so … right. Aging.
Then why do we act like we hate it?
Why, as a society, do we act as though and talk as if aging is a thing to be feared, despised and avoided at all costs?
Why are we desperate to avoid the very thing that most of us want?
Is it because we’ve been taught that it’s bad?
Aging isn’t a thing, it’s a process. But still we seem to have an attitude about it.
We don’t want to be that.
Other people are that — I’m something else.
We call it ageism: Discrimination based on age.
Based on assumptions that older people (“older” than what? “Older” than who?) are less than: less competent, less vigorous, less adventurous, less clever, less attractive, less innovative, less … like me?
If we’re raised with that kind of myth-based bias, we believe it ourselves.
We don’t even like ourselves, because we are them, and we certainly don’t want to be them.
Avoid what we are
We do all kinds of things to avoid being what (and who) we clearly are.
We do all kinds of things to avoid becoming exactly what we hoped to become.
My head hurts.
Consider this: Research shows (no, real, honest-to-God research by people who actually know how to do research) that people 50 or older who have a better concept of aging are likely to live an average of 7.5 years longer than folks who think that aging is the pits.
Further, those of us who think that aging is OK are more likely to have better memory and better balance.
(Maybe because we’re not ashamed to hold our heads up? I don’t know — I made that part up. The research is true).
Another thing I’ve said (and some people have gotten tired of hearing) is, “Aging is not an affliction, it’s an achievement.”
I think that’s true, and not just because I’ll be less likely to fall over due to lousy balance.
Look at what we’ve done. What we’ve seen, heard and felt.
What we’ve learned. And many of us are just beginning to figure out what we don’t know.
And, I suppose, what we wish we’d known …
We’re still here. There’s still time. And there’s still … hope.
Not childish dreams and fantasies and imaginings: Hope. Everyday hope.
So why do we act like and talk like we dislike aging?
The gift we wanted
It’s the gift we said we wanted and we got it.
Thank you.
What was that piece of staggering stupidity that we grew up with?
“Never trust anyone over 30?”
Is that what this is about?
Really?
The children of Woodstock stuck in an endless time loop of too much rain and too few porta-potties?
Is that what we all came here for?
I think not.
I think it’s about growth. Learning. Maturity. Love. And acceptance, not resignation.
Hope.
Hoping to be more. Hoping to do better.
Hoping to be the best me I can be, and I can’t do that if I’m busy avoiding being who I am, simply because I’m not 25.
I don’t want to be 25.
I want to be Mark.
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Mark Harvey is director of Clallam/Jefferson Senior Information &Assistance, which operates through the Olympic Area Agency on Aging. He is also a member of the Community Advocates for Rural Elders partnership. He can be reached at 360-452-3221 (Port Angeles-Sequim), 360-385-2552 (Jefferson County) or 360-374-9496 (West End), or by emailing harvemb@dshs.wa.gov.
