THE CHURCH IS too often implicated in and guilty of putting domestic violence on the backs of those abused (often but not always women) and asking them to submit to their partner’s rule, as a way of masking an ongoing and growing problem in the church.
In order to address this, some researchers and government advocates are beginning to use the newer term Intimate Partners Violence (IVP) to demonstrate a wider view of violence in relationships than that too often pictured by church members: something that occurs largely to women by men and an issue for those in heterosexual marriages. (Admittedly, while this is numerically the most common form of domestic violence, there are, sadly, many other options, as others have noted, such as child abuse and elder abuse.) Too often, church leaders in particular treat the numerical norm as the only option, which makes it hard, for instance, for men who have been victims of IVP to come up and admit they, too, have been abused by women, or children, or supervisors, including clergy.
As the state of New York has noted, “… the term ‘Domestic Violence,’ while still used for a variety of policy reasons, is often known as Intimate Partners Violence. This term expands the issue beyond the violence that occurs in some marriages to include a new awareness of violence in teen dating, in [LGBTQ+] couples, and couples who do not live in the same house. Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence is defined as: a pattern of abusive behavior in which a person uses coercion, deception, harassment, humiliation, manipulation and/or force in order to establish and maintain power and control over that person’s current or former intimate partner.”
In her article on how the church grooms both abusers and the abused, Geneece Goertzen-Morrison notes that “… abuse is carried out in secrecy and often behind closed doors. Those who are subjected to abusive behavior often are warned to keep silent, frequently with threats of harm. One in four women and one in nine men experience severe abuse from a partner.”
The church has often used its blindness of the wide range of IVP to ignore this wider range of possibilities; it has also served to co-enable the ways in which male abusers commit violence upon wives. In the particular instance of the church, and since IVP remains largely something that affects women and performed by men, one myth that is used to support the abuse of women is that of the need for submission: in a discussion of five myths that surround domestic violence, “While some pastors provide caring counsel when women come forward, many victims hear the same rote answers when they dare to ask for help. When it comes to domestic violence, pastors often don’t know how to respond to victims” and tell them that abuse by husbands or other domestic partners is part of God’s will, that women must submit to their husbands, to the spiritual good of both partners. This is a cruel thing to hear from one’s church leaders: “they remind women to submit, to pray for their husbands, to have quiet spirits, and be obedient, not the Gospel message of freedom that victims of IVP need to hear.”
Episcopal priest Terri C Pilarski adds, in her article found on the Episcopal Church’s website, that “clergy and lay leaders of congregations have a responsibility to become aware of the prevalence of [IVP], including that which occurs in teen dating and elder abuse. We cannot hide behind a veil pretending that it only happens in certain demographics. The reality is, this violence knows no boundaries and impacts equally every demographic across the spectrum from rich to poor, from educated to not, across lines of race and ethnicity, age and gender orientation. Congregations need to reach out to social service agencies that specialize in Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Violence and work together to raise awareness and form responses to this rampant problem in our midst.”
We must all work on this issue together, both inside and outside the church, so that abuse, across all demographic lines, is eliminated as quickly as possible. It is our duty as God’s people.
Selected additional resources mentioned in this column:
“Domestic Violence and Faith Communities.” Joint Publication: The Governor’s Office of Faith Based Community Development Services and the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, State of New York. https://www.ny.gov/sites/default/files/atoms/files/Domestic_Violence_Guidebook_for_Faith_Leaders.pdf.
“5 Myths the Church Often Believes About Domestic Violence.” Lifeway Research. https://research.lifeway.com/2018/10/25/5-myths-the-church-often-believes-about-domestic-violence.
Goertzen-Morrison, Geneece. “How The Church Becomes A Grooming Place for Domestic Violence.” Baptist News Global. https://baptistnews.com/article/how-the-church-becomes-a-grooming-place-for-domestic-violence.
Pilarski, Terri C. “Not In Our Pews.” Global Partnerships, The Episcopal Church USA. https://www.episcopalchurch.org/globalpartnerships/not-in-our-pews.
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Issues of Faith is a rotating column by religious leaders on the North Olympic Peninsula. The Rev. Dr. Keith Dorwick is a deacon resident in the Episcopal Diocese of Olympia.
